"The TAO of MARTHA" by Jen Lancaster

   Jen Lancaster and "The TAO of MARTHA (My Year of LIVING, or Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog)," oh how I love thee, let me count the ways:

• I love you for the dust jacket cover, with the sideways cake and homage to Martha in the starfish-puffball-explosion of a frame, and the oh-so-domestic blue gingham fancy end papers.
• J'adore you for enlightening me on the finer points of how to hog-wrestle a comforter into the dutch oven of a duvet, making me laugh so hard I nearly shart myself, and for bringing "shart" into my lexicon to replace the much cruder terms I normally use.
• Me likey you for sharing the contents of your Drawer of Shame and Cabinet of Shame and making me feel much less ashamed of my junk drawers/cabinets. (I noticed you didn't diss Carrie Bradshaw once in this book, so I felt safe in using the "me likey" Carrie-ism.)
• I totally dig that you found your X-factor in going all Team Disaster Prepper. BTW, I will totally eschew my vegetarian ways and find you in the Chicago 'burbs to feast on sardines and human-grade dog food stew when the zombie apocalypse comes, so set an extra place!
• I am enamored by your willingness to bare all when it comes to your failings, even the gozillion-dollar "easy" toffee incident, and find a way to laugh about it (even if it means your friends may end up with tire-fire toffee before they get it right).
• I applaud you for facing your loathe of Halloween (which I totally share, except for the free pass to eat candy like there's no tomorrow!) and turning it into a glitterfied Pumpkin Palooza and drunkety-drunk-drunk fest. (Sorry, I couldn't help but throw in one more Carrie-ism!) You've given me a whole new outlook on Halloween!
• I ♥ you for sharing your scrapbook pix to give me a visual of your escapades and so I can better get to know you, Fletch, Maisy, Loki, Libby, Hambone, the Thundercats, and the New Girls (hope I didn't leave anyone out). (Plus, now I know what your house looks like so I can find you when the big one hits! And may I add, Fletch is hubba hubba!!) 
• Most of all, I love you for sharing the other Miss M's Tao, which I won't mention here and be a spoiler but I have already written on a Post-it and is hanging from my bulletin board as a daily reminder. IT ROCKS!!

   Jen, I will admit, I've never been a big Martha Stewart fan. In fact, hearing her "It's a good thing" mantra was like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. But you've made me appreciate the finer points of her way of LIVING, and I will never regard Martha with disrespect again. I promise! I just have one request in return -- please don't let your next memoir be "The Opus of Oprah." I literally live for your next memoir to be published, BUT I DON'T DO OPRAH. Thanks!
   
   Have I got you intrigued about "The TAO of MARTHA"? Good! Get your copy today and get your laugh on!!