"This I Know: Notes On Unraveling The Heart" by Susannah Conway

   Some books are so beautiful, I can't help but pick them up and thumb through. "This I Know: Notes On Unraveling The Heart" by Susannah Conway was one of those books: the cover resembled a homemade scrapbook saved for only the most precious photos; the heavy matte pages were filled with random quirky Polaroids, the kind you would tape to the bathroom mirror to keep a special memory fresh in your mind; the size of a girl's secret diary that felt just right clutched against my chest. So I took the book home. And it sat there. From the jacket liner, I knew the book was born out of grief from Ms. Conway having suddenly lost her significant other to a heart attack. I had no current grief issues gnawing at me that made me need to read this book. Still I left the book near my reading chair, picking it up every time I sat down, running my fingers over the cover, flipping through and glancing at the Polaroids until one day I decided I would just start reading. If it was depressing or boring, I would be done with the book, no matter how it's beauty kept drawing me in. Then I wanted to kick myself for waiting so long -- I was hooked even by the introduction when I read:

"Unraveling is not a bad thing. It's not coming undone or losing control. It's letting go in the best possible way, untangling the knots that hold you back, unwrapping the gifts you've hidden for too long, unearthing the potential that's always been there, finally ditching the labels and should-haves, and letting yourself be what you were always meant to be."  -- Susannah Conway

   I am a sucker for quotes and as soon as I read it I fired this one off in an email to a friend going through an unraveling in her own life. She loved it too. Besides deserving to be front and center on my fridge on a hot pink magnet, this quote sums up the soul of the book. Part memoir, part how-to manual, "This I Know" is about coming through whatever fire you've suffered and rebuilding your life piece by piece with what you love and love to do.
  If you are grieving, this book is for you. I also lost a significant other long ago, and Ms. Conway's recounting of the hurt and despair, the hopeful rituals and guilt and baby steps of healing were vividly real. I wish I'd had this book back then to know I wasn't bat crap crazy in all I was going through.
   But this book is so much more than a gift for the grieving. "This I Know" is  about digging out dreams you forgot you had and making them part of your life; forging past fear and sharing your creativity; becoming friends with your body; making peace between yourself, your face, and aging; and getting comfortable with solitude by creating your own tribe of one.
   Being a quote freak, I have to share two more I loved:

"It's never been true, not anywhere at any time, that the value of a soul, of a human spirit, is dependent on a number on a scale."  -- Geneen Roth, from "Women, Food and God"

"For me, solitude is not an empty space, but a richly detailed tapestry of my interests, thoughts, and desires. When I am alone I am free to dance inside the textures of my dreams without the pull to be elsewhere, the constant nagging feeling that I should be doing something else."  -- Susannah Conway

   Ms. Conway found her unraveling from the pit of grief through blogging and taking Polaroids, then turned her passions into online courses to help other women begin the unraveling for themselves. Check out her website, susannahconway.com, to find out more about her classes, photography, and other books.
   "This I Know" is beautiful inside and out. Pick it up, you'll see. You'll want one for yourself and one for someone special in your life -- this I know.

"My Trip Down The Pink Carpet" by Leslie Jordan

   I have never been a fashionista or a beauty queen (nor even fashionable or beautiful, for that matter), but somehow I've developed a fascination for fashion and glitzy spectacles. So when I was searching for a book to read and sitting on the library shelf was "My Trip Down The Pink Carpet," with an irresistible sparkling tiara on the spine, I snatched it up. Then when I saw Leslie Jordan on the cover -- the four foot eleven inch dynamo that played the snarky gay diva Beverley Leslie to perfection on "Will & Grace" -- I couldn't wait to start reading and trip down the pink carpet right along with him.
   Turns out the book isn't about couture (unless buying panties for actress Beverly D'Angelo at Victoria's Secret counts) or pageants, but Mr. Jordan still had me hooked even before the table of contents with a quote from his "witty and wonderful mother" Peggy Ann:

"If I live to be one hundred and five years old, I will never understand this deep-seated need you have to air your dirty laundry! Why can't you just whisper it to a therapist?"

I certainly understand where she's coming from, being the proper Southern mother that she was, but her son Leslie airing his dirty laundry is what makes the book so hilarious. And sad. And at times inspirational. But most of all, damn entertaining.
   Describing himself as "the gayest man I know," Leslie writes, "I fell right out of the womb and landed smack dab in my mama's high heels." So it's no wonder that when trying to find his special purpose as a boy, he tried out being a go-go dancer on the family's coffee table and being a majorette on the front lawn. Unfortunately, his daddy brought home a carload of army buddies just when Leslie was perfecting his twirling routine. "Daddy! Daddy! Watch me twirl," he hollered, like any kid would when showing off a new talent. "Oh, son," his daddy said, stretching out "sohhhn as if he was in deep pain," "why don't you twirl that little baton in the house? I'll pay for whatever you break. Just please twirl in the house." 
   Can't you just picture the scene in that front yard? Can't you just hear his daddy's trying-to-be-supportive but still-slightly-mortified voice? I sure can.  Mr. Jordan is gifted at spinning the anecdotes of his wild and crazy life so vividly that I felt like I was right there with him falling in love with a Gypsy in Bucharest, with him sharing a jail cell with Robert Downey, Jr., with him as two huge drag queens escorted him into his first gay bar and he realized he "was no longer alone."
   No matter how much fun I was having, I nearly had to slam the book shut and never go back when Mr. Jordan dissed my beloved Lynyrd Skynyrd, my all-time favorite rock group. Now everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when he said he "could not bear that white trash, rock 'n' roll music," to me that barrels way past opinion and borders on blasphemy. I forgave him, though, when he went on to profess love for the bluesy songs of Dusty Springfield and classic soul music. We share those loves. Plus, he penned so many pearls of wisdom that I have fingered like rosary beads (and wrote down for future quoting), there's no way I could leave the book unfinished. I might miss something like:

"In the South we do not put crazy people away -- we put them out on the porch so everyone can enjoy them!"

"Honey, if you've got one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you are in the perfect position to just shit all over today."

"Shit happens and I don't think God has anything to do with it. I love the idea of having a God that does not do anything for me or to me, but only shines through me. I love the idea of God as a light, a beautiful, all-encompassing, nonpunishing, healing light of love."

   If you're a bit squeamish about male genitalia, you may want to skip the chapter on "Peter Gazing." But, do not skip the "Drugstore Cowboy" story, a sweet, touching, sad scary tale about the tangled knot of addiction and abuse that can be so hard to break free of. Nothing that painful and personal is easy to share -- no matter how much a person needs to air their dirty laundry -- but Mr. Jordan tells it straight up with a side of humor, the same way he writes about his struggles with self-loathing, booze, drugs and sexaholism.
   What a hoot it's been to trip down the pink carpet with Leslie Jordan! And no pink carpet experience would be complete without celebrity dishing, behind-the-scenes showbiz secrets, and revealing snapshots, which he throws in at no extra charge. To top that, when I was checking out his website, thelesliejordan.com, I found out there is a DVD version of "My Trip Down The Pink Carpet." Watching the trailer alone nearly made me wet my pants! So you can read the book, view the video, or do both. I love having options, don't you?!
   I'll leave you with a Beverley Leslie quote from "Will & Grace," delivered in his signature snide soprano Southern drawl: "Well, well, well, Karen Walker. I thought I smelled gin and regret." Loved him as Beverley Leslie, love his memoir "My Trip Down The Pink Carpet." I bet you will too, no regrets about it. 

  

How To Hepburn

   Katharine Hepburn once said, "Stone-cold sober, I find myself absolutely fascinating." How can you not love someone that can say that, and best of all believe it, without a bit of irony or tongue-in-cheekiness?

   I have adored Katharine Hepburn since I first watched "The African Queen" as a child. Her mannerisms, her physicality, her grace yet toughness, her expressions that told the story better than dialogue ever could sucked me in and made me a lifelong fan. While I haven't seen all her movies (some 46 including big screen and television), the ones I have seen are among my all-time favorites: "Desk Set," "Adam's Rib," "Rooster Cogburn," "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner," and "On Golden Pond." What actress but Katharine Hepburn could shine as strong and bold in those movies next to powerhouse actors like Spencer Tracy, John Wayne, and Henry Fonda? None that I can think of.

   I've devoured her "Me: Stories Of My Life" autobiography; "Katherine Hepburn," a pictorial history of her movie career by Jessica Hodge; and a sampling of other biographies written by her friends and acquaintances. With each glimpse into her life, I found her more and more absolutely fascinating. Then when I heard about "How To Hepburn -- Lessons on Living from Kate the Great" by Karen Karbo, I knew I had to read it and know even more.

   Ms. Karbo begins the book with a quote from Dick Cavett, spoken to Hepburn when he had the rare opportunity to interview her in 1973:

"I have a feeling that millions of people think the following about you: she knows how she wants to live her life, she's succeeded at it, it's all worked out, she got what she wanted. And they feel you probably have some guiding principles, some secret, that, if only they knew them, they could be as successful and as content as you seem to be."

Exactly! That's what I was looking for, and Ms. Karbo delivers, weaving quotes and anecdotes from every era of Hepburn's wild ride into a playbook of sorts for carving out a bold and satisfying life. For starters, Hepburn was brash to the point of obnoxious. She refused to be categorized, by Hollywood, the press, or the public. She ignored fear and charged headlong into anything she was afraid of, including appearing on the stage, which she did for most of her life. She refused to acknowledge problems, believing everything could be solved by a cold shower or brisk walk. She shared her opinions freely, with everyone, regardless of how unpopular or out of vogue her views may be. At a time when marriage was every girl's dream, Hepburn said, "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married!" and "if it wasn't bloody impractical to love, honor, and obey, you wouldn't have to sign a contract." She was a cultivator of eccentricities (see pages 36-37) and quirky friendships. No doubt about it -- she lived her life on her terms and could give a damn less whether anyone approved.
   Except for maybe Spencer Tracy. During their long and mostly under-the-radar love affair, Hepburn doted on Tracy, playing caretaker to his bad-boy drunk. Even in their movies scenes together, she has a way of looking at him like he's the only person that exists in her world, with almost a worshipful gleam in her eyes. But even with all the sacrifices she made for Tracy, in keeping his boozy life in order, Hepburn was still Hepburn. From time to time she would take off to do a play or have an adventure and leave him to fend for himself. She never gave herself away completely, even to Spencer.
   While I disagree with Ms. Karbo's suggestion that Hepburn had a closeted lesbian relationship with her good friend Laura Harding, question the motives she ascribes to some of Hepburn's approaches to life, and frankly got sick of being told to wear sunscreen, her finale of "Tips For Getting Your Hepburn On" (page 178) was worth reading the book for. My faves are:

#2 Find Yourself Fascinating

#4 Say What You Think

#5 Don't Confuse Self-Improvement with Self-Remodeling

#16 Find the Type of Clothes You Feel Best In and Never Take Them Off

About #5, Ms. Karbo says, "Hepburn was always trying to improve herself. A self-confessed compulsive worker, she made herself into a great actress from a curious-looking girl who had a flair for self-dramatization and that was about it. But she never tried to change herself."
   I love this tip best of all. From magazines to day-time talk shows to every pop-up ad on the internet, we are constantly bombarded by messages saying we must change something about ourselves in order to be thinner, smarter, prettier, or more desirable. Instead of changing, how much more worthwhile would it be to get your Hepburn on -- to find yourself absolutely fascinating and then improve on that. Thanks Kate the Great and Ms. Karbo for the tip. I'm going to do it.

"What French Women Know"

   I finally found out why I've felt so screwed up my whole life, and it's totally not my fault:  I should have been born French! Debra Ollivier explains it all in her book "What French Women Know about love, sex, and other matters of the heart and mind." I am so relieved, there's hope for me to un-screw up myself after all by doing what French women do.
   And Ollivier makes it sound so simple, like I should have known these things all along. For instance, in the chapter on men, she breaks down the French women's basic philosophy as:  have fun flirting without expecting it to lead somewhere; don't expect your man to think and act like a woman, leave that to your chick friends; and celebrate vive la différence (long live the difference) between the sexes and stop treating men as if they are of a different species. My fave quote of the section was from Marguerite Duras, "You have to love men a lot. A lot, a lot. Otherwise they are simply unbearable." You said a mouthful there, French sister. But come to think about it, when men feel loved and appreciated, they are much easier to get along with and more fun to be around. The same goes for women. See what I mean? These are pretty simple concepts, but not so simple to put into action when the American woman is constantly being schooled on statistics and how-tos about "the opposite sex" and making it in "a man's world." No wonder we feel like enemies. No wonder the songs goes:  American woman, get away from me, American woman, mama let me be. Men are probably scared to death of us. The French woman's way to enjoy life with men instead of merely coexisting with the enemy sounds like so much more fun, I'm going to give it a try and see if it works on American men.
   Ms. Ollivier also unravels the mystery of leaving mystery in relationships, which I translated as "leave show and tell in grade school because if you show and tell everything, you and your partner will be bored, bored, bored." Just another way we Anglos have been misled into believing true intimacy comes only with full disclosure and access. From now on, I will be Ms. Mysterious and cultivate the "seductive virtues of the inner life," and my life buddy DMan might think he found himself a whole new (French) woman. Or he'll think I'm crazy, but he's used to that.
   Here is a soupçon (taste) of tasty morsels from other chapters:
RULES -- infinitely more fun to be broken than bound by, in both love and fashion.
PERFECTION -- perfectly unattainable and zero fun to pursue in matters of the heart as well as life in general; enjoy happiness but don't make that the only acceptable way to feel; accept your physical imperfections and play them to the hilt (my American take on this is "turn your big ass into your biggest asset à la JLo"); and if all else fails, pull a Rhett Butler (who wasn't French but definitely should have been) and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.
NATURE -- age happens, c'est la vie (such is life); it's better (and Frencher) to focus on the brevity of time and the immediacy of pleasure before they both slip away while you were spending all your time and energy fighting Mother Nature and losing anyway.
ART DE VIVRE (the art of living) -- knowing the beaucoup différence between making a living and having a life; getting the knack of letting your hair down French-style; and breaking the code of the bourgeoisie (see below).
BODY -- "growing up laissez-faire (unconcerned, nonjudgmental) about the body and the real reason (many, but not all) French women don't get fat."

   This quote from page 218 sums up some of my new French attitude:

"Saying that you've broken the codes of the bourgeoisie is another way of saying you don't care about doing things the 'right way'; it's French-speak for suggesting that you don't believe in the virtues of the 'perfect couple' or the perfect house, that you choose the sometimes messy attributes of letting go over the 'denial of life' that de Beauvoir evoked. It's a way of suggesting that the world can stop, that you don't have to strategize or supersize your life, that you don't have to make the bed and you can press that Snooze button. In short, it's a way of Not Giving a Damn in the grandest sense of the term -- a way of paying homage to the brevity of time and the immediacy of pleasure, come what may."

Sign me up, Debra. Any philosophy that says I get extra sleep and get not to make the bed is très bien (very good) with me.

   Loved the book! My only complaints are Ms. Ollivier gets a bit too quotey (but I did learn beaucoup things about famous people I'd never even heard of) and made me go Google-gaga looking up words she didn't translate (hence the translations in parentheses I provided to save you Google time). But the book was excellent and caused me to ponder many aspects of living and being a woman that I always took for granted as "that's just the way it is." I'm still proud to be an American, despite how screwed up my Americanness has made me, but I'm going to incorporate "What French Women Know" into my life and lighten up a lot, a lot. So look out DMan, you're about to be "Frenched" in a way you've never been frenched before! 
   Au revoir!

     

An introduction plus "Bringing Home The Birkin"

   My first post on my new blog, so I wanted to say, "Hey, welcome to Book Crrr-azy Gal." My mission here is to inspire and entertain you by sharing sneak peeks at books that are inspiring and entertaining me. I love to read as much as I love to write -- it's so much less work and frustration! -- and believe me, when I don't have a good book at my fingertips, I can get even more crrr-azy than normal. That's pretty crrr-azy. So this blog is the best of both worlds for me:  I get to read books and write about them. And I am in an enviable position (although my aching knees don't think so) to work as a shelver at a public library where I get to peruse beaucoup books while I'm putting them away, so I'll be sharing titles off the beaten path of your typical newest-hottest-bestseller reviews. You won't read any thumbs-down reviews here either. If I don't like a book, I put it down and give something else a try. I also may, from time to time, throw in a bonus share from folks I trust about books that may not be my forte but nevertheless deserve a read. 
   Now that you know what to expect, thanks for stopping by and onto the inaugural Roni rave.

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Bringing Home The Birkin

   Michael Tonello is the gay boyfriend I always wished I had:  fashion savvy; exquisite taste in hotels, restaurants, and wines (I'm guessing here as I've never sampled any that he writes about but they sound beyond fabulous); clever and witty, with just the right amount of snarky; and constantly jet-setting to exotic locales. If all that wasn't enough, he has a glamorous (sounding) career doing hair and makeup for commercial photo shoots all over the world. When a gig lands him in Barcelona, Spain, he falls in love with the city and decides that will be his new home. It must be true love too, because a new job as a jewelry middle-man in Barcelona comes calling. The story could have ended there and I would have been a happy reader with all the splendid details of Michael's exciting life and Barcelona's beauty and charm, but it doesn't. The jewelry job falls through; what's my gay boyfriend, who's spent a fortune to settle into his new digs, to do? That's where the real fun begins.

   Needing cash, Michael plunders his overstuffed armoire and finds an Hermès (pronounced ur-mez according to a YouTube video) scarf to auction on eBay. But Michael gets way more than a sale, he gets wish-lists from hordes of hungry-for-Hermès buyers that catapults him into a whole new career as a globe-trotting "Birkin Boy." In case you don't know about Birkins, and I'll admit the only reason I did know was because of a "losing the Birkin" episode of "Sex And The City," they are considered "the world's most coveted handbag" according to Michael. And probably the world's most expensive.  Google "Birkin," you'll see what I mean.

   I'll say no more about the story, don't want to be a big spoiler, except it has all the elements of a great arm-chair adventure:  love; quirky characters (j'adore eBay-buyer Sarah!); frustrating failures until he figures out the Birkin-buying formula; vicarious visits to daydream destinations; and even an international handbag hostage situation. From the fabulous faux-Birkin cover (vermillon croc with gold hardware if I'm not mistaken) to the Hermès-helpful glossary to the interior maps (which I used often so I'd know where the hell he was), "Bringing Home The Birkin" brings home a hilarious read and a chance to experience how the Hermès-half of the world lives.

   Enjoy! I sure did.