"the life-changing magic of NOT GIVING A F*CK" by Sarah Knight

   Sarah Knight, you are my new hero! Thank you for providing a game-plan for "how to stop spending time you don't have with people you don't like doing things you don't want to do"! (This is the rest of the book title, but it was just WAAAY TOO LONG to put in my blog title because I was afraid I'd lose the reader before they could even read this life-changing information.) But I must admit I'm a bit pissed at my hero -- why didn't I think of this first?!
   So simple but so profound, Knight parodies Marie Kondo's best-selling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by teaching readers how to make a f*ck budget in the key areas of: things; work; friends, acquaintances, and strangers; and the biggest "F" bomb arena of them all, family. Yes, there is work involved here, making lists of all the f*cks you DON'T want to give as well as the f*cks you DO want to give. Knight helps get your list started by giving suggestions from her own life and from polls she's taken. But there is a huge payoff if you do your own in finding out all the time, energy, and money you will save by erasing all the Don't-GAFs (give a f*cks, of course) from your life and pouring more of yourself into the Do-GAFs. I was astounded by the things I was GAFing about that I didn't even realize were sucking me dry! And I figured out things on my Do-GAF list that I had been sorely neglecting, things I really need more of in my life right now to amp up my joy and help me fight off the I-hate-the-holidays funk and the damn-it's-cold-outside hibernation inclination.
   Knight also gives helpful tools for how to implement the Don't-GAF plan without hurting people's feelings or becoming an asshole (her word, not mine, and she really, REALLY likes that word), even giving concrete suggestions on how to navigate the conversations that are bound to come up when you stop doing or giving things that people have come to expect from you. Best of all, she provides ways to steel yourself from backtracking on your Don't-GAFs when changing up your life brings on anxiety or societal (AND FAMILY!) pressure to toe the line and conform. 
   If you are f*ck -- the word, not the "giving of" and/or "not giving of" -- avoidant, this may not be the book for you. Knight uses f*ck as a noun, verb, pronoun, adjective. Pretty much any way you can use the word, she does. But trust me, this book is truly life changing. IF you read it and do it. Especially at this time of year, with the stress, time crunches, and have-tos of the holidays and scratching out resolutions for the new year, this book can not only be a life changer but a life saver. You'll definitely want to give a f*ck about reading this book!   

          

"Furiously Happy" by Jenny Lawson

   I am FURIOUSLY ANGRY right now at this book! Angry that it's over. No more furiously hilarious tales from the furiously funny Jenny Lawson to keep me convinced that the craziness of life is totally worth it to give us reasons to laugh. While I'm sad that I finished the book, I'm sure that my BFF Sparkle will be glad that the constant barrage of "You've got to read this quote, it will CRACK YOU UP!" emails will subside so that she can finally have time to read the actual book for herself. Furiously Happy is that furiously good!
   Jenny Lawson is a saint for sharing her struggles with depression, anxiety, and a host of physical ailments as well through bizarre and amusing anecdotes that entertain as much as enlighten her readers! I have bouts of The Black Funk (what I call my depression when my spirit feels no joy in anything and I search for reasons to wake up in the morning) myself at times, and this book has made me feel more "normal" and capable of coping. From now on, when The Black Funk creeps up on me, I'll think "WWJD?" (J for Jenny in this case, not Jesus) and give myself a break to feel how I feel. Then when I am feeling better, I will let myself be furiously happy! As Jenny wrote:

"It's about taking those moments when things are fine and making them amazing, because those moments are what make us who we are, and they're the same moments we take into battle with us when our brains declare war on our very existence. It's the difference between 'surviving life' and 'living life.' It's the difference between 'taking a shower' and 'teaching your monkey butler how to shampoo your hair.' It's the difference between being 'sane' and being 'furiously happy.'" 

   I love monkeys and I hate to shampoo my hair, so I'm totally on board!
   As I always do, I'll share some of my fave parts to get new readers started. (Sparkle, if you are reading this blog, you can skip these. I've already emailed them to you!)

From the "My Phone Is More Fun to Hang Out with Than Me" chapter (about phone messages she leaves to herself while on sleeping pills):

"If you put a bunch of chameleons on top of a bunch of chameleons on top of a bowl of Skittles what would happen? Is that science? Because if so, I finally get why people want to do science."

From the "What I Say to My Shrink vs. What I Mean" chapter:

"I've been having problems concentrating. I think I might have ADD."

Meaning: "I've been watching YouTube videos of kittens falling too much when I'm supposed to be working and if my editor finds out I'm going to need for you to write me a doctor's note explaining that it's a medical condition."

From the "Things My Father Taught Me" chapter:

"On the other side of fear is freedom. And usually fewer fingers than you started with. Everyone is born with extra fingers. God expects you to cut off a few during your journey. Otherwise he wouldn't have made power tools so awesome."

"There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them."

   Besides these fave parts, I totally I DIG her husband, Victor!! Their "arguments" throughout the book are pee-yourself riots! Since I work at a hair salon, the "And This Is Why I Prefer to Cut My Own Hair" chapter is PRICELESS! And the "pretend you're good at it" advice, from the chapter by the same name, is helping me through a new challenge I am facing right now. Good stuff! Plus, there's a dead-raccoon rodeo in her kitchen and everything you'd ever want to know about George Washington's dildo. I am serious!
   All this is just a snippet of what I love about this book. If it wouldn't rob Jenny of a book sale (and give me typer's cramp), I would write out the whole damn book. But I'll stop now and give my review readers tons more material to laugh at and enjoy for themselves!
  And don't worry about me, Jenny, I won't be sad for long. I've got your first book Let's Pretend This Never Happened on the way!

Rory riding Ferris Mewler in the dead-raccoon rodeo

http://thebloggess.com/

"I Don't Know What You Know Me From: Confessions of a Co-star" by Judy Greer

   Yes, Judy Greer, I DO know what I know you from! Not from having read your book though. When I saw your picture on the cover, I thought you looked like Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton, the sexy, slutty scientist that banged some of my Big Bang Theory nerd pals in "The Plimpton Stimulation" episode. So I got the book thinking there would be juicy tidbits about my fave show. Not. Not even one mention of you having been on the show. So I googled the episode, and sure enough, it WAS you!

  

   Do I regret reading your book despite being Big Bang deprived? Hell no! You and your book are a HOOT! In fact, I think we could be BFFs! I love the movie The American President, just like you do! I watched it again for the gozillionth time last night. And I love dogs! Your Buckley can lay belly-up on my couch anytime while we chick chat over cocktails. You can regale me with more hilarious tales about all the TV shows and movies you've co-starred in, and I will let you cry on my shoulder about your FX series Married being cancelled. I never actually watched the show, but I saw the lead-in while watching Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll on my DVR and it looked FUNNY! (Sorry, but I've only got so much time to watch TV while I'm treadmilling, and between keeping up with BBT and replaying S&D&R&R I ran out of time!) Hey, at least you got a starring role for two seasons, right? And I promise, I won't ever say you look better in person than you do in your roles. EVER! Because I know how you hate that. You mentioned it several times in the book. Several.

     Loved your book! I really dig your quirky sense of humor and admire your big lady-balls in putting yourself out there in print. Keep on acting and writing. You're so good at it, Star 2 B! (You made it!! I'm sure your dad is so proud!) I will watch back episodes of Married, I promise, as well as look for you in upcoming shows and movies and books now that I know your name, Judy Greer!

"Year Of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes

   I say, "Yes, Yes, Yes!" to Shonda Rhimes' new memoir Year Of Yes with the same exuberance as Meg Ryan portrayed her character Sally's faux orgasm in the movie When Harry Met Sally! Loved it! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOmVILOvmfA 


   While not a self-help book, Year Of Yes certainly could be as Rhimes takes the reader through an entire year of changing up her entire life by saying "YES" to doing things that would have previously been met with an automatic and fierce "NO" to avoid the
   Dry mouth.
   Heart beats so, so fast.
   Everything in slow motion.
   Pass out, die, poop.
results she had feared most of her life. By saying "yes," Rhimes becomes fearless in facing giving a commencement speech at her alma mater, taking back her body and health, cutting loose soul-sucking friends, and owning her own badassery (her word, and I dig it!), among other things. And she doesn't pass out, die, or poop. Not once. But she does become happier. And stronger. And through telling about her journey, she made me laugh so many times, which I SO needed as I was reading this book while trying to survive the holidays working at a crazy McCray-cray (my word, do you dig it?) busy hair salon. And she made me ponder things in my life I've been saying "no" to, which maybe should be a "yes." So Year Of Yes is a bonus book: a memoir with self-help snippets at no extra charge. If you've read any of my writing, you know how I love a bonus.
   In case you didn't know -- I didn't, I will admit it -- Rhimes is the powerhouse behind the shows Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder, aka the "Thank God It's Thursday" lineup on ABC. Not being familiar with her shows, I sometimes felt like I was reading a foreign language about her "ride or dies," "dancing it out," and the Papa Pope references. But still I loved the book. She shares so many "I need to be doing that" ideas and quotable quotes, but my fave part is from the "Yes to Who I Am" chapter:

"We all spend our lives kicking the crap out of ourselves for not being this way or that way, not having this thing or that thing, not being like this person or that person.

For not living up to some standard we think applies across the board to all of us.

We all spend our lives trying to follow the same path, live by the same rules.

I think we believe that happiness lies in following the same list of rules.

In being more like everyone else.

That? Is wrong.

There is no list of rules.

There is one rule.

The rule is: there are no rules.

Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be."

   See? Self-help bonus! Maybe this quote isn't news to you, but it's definitely something I needed to be reminded of. At this beginning of a new year, the Year Of Yes has given me plenty to ponder in changes I want to make in my life. And another bonus, new (to me) TV shows to check out during the long, cold winter nights ahead.
   Thanks, Shonda Rhimes, for a fabulous read and so, so many bonuses!

"Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert

   I dig the title Big Magic, but in keeping with Liz Gilbert's blockbuster book that became a mega-hit movie, this book should be called "Feast, Meditate, Adore." Loved it!
   Gilbert serves up a buffet of practical but inspired advice on living your most creative life, no matter what mode of mojo that stirs your creative juices. Served up in small delicious helpings so you can graze instead of feeling stuffed with information, she takes you through all the courses needed to satisfy your creative appetite and keep you coming back for more: courage, enchantment, permission, persistence, trust, and divinity.
   I devoured Big Magic in three days but spent a lot of time in ceiling-staring contemplation while the big ideas took their time sinking in. Gilbert seems to have had her act together even as a teenager in wanting to be a writer and committing to it no matter what, believing in herself and believing that if she courts inspiration, inspiration will find her again and again. Me? Not so much. Many of the lessons she imparts I've had to learn the hard way, through beating my head against the table where I write until there finally comes an "aha" moment from observing my patterns and seeing the big picture. So many things Gilbert teaches I still didn't know, and Big Magic will be my bible going forth to keep me on the creative path and save me from many head-beating headaches.
   I adore Gilbert's writing style, simple and succinct, but zesty with real-life anecdotes and delectable quotes. Some of my fave parts are "The Shit Sandwich," "Fierce Trust" -- the outcome cannot matter (I've already pinned this quote on my life tips cork board!) -- and the Liz Gilbert/Ann Patchett Amazonian mind-meld connection. There wasn't total adoration though. Gilbert challenged me, even shamed me on letting my ego get in the way and expecting rewards from something (creativity/inspiration) given to me freely. But these were lessons I needed to learn. She also pissed me off in dissing my dream of winning the lottery. She calls it "self-infantilizing." I call it "the hope of retirement," Sweetie. But I forgive her, and I'll keep buying those lottery tickets so someday I might be able to quit my day job and devote myself to becoming a writer half as good as Liz Gilbert. Until then, I will look in the mirror and say "I am a writer," I will sit down and put words on paper every day in the snippets of time I can find, and I will let myself PLAY with writing and whatever other creative inclinations that inspiration sends my way. I will remember:

"You are worthy, dear one, regardless of the outcome. You will keep making your work, regardless of the outcome. You will keep sharing your work, regardless of the outcome. You were born to create, regardless of the outcome. You will never lose trust in the creative process, even when you don't understand the outcome."

   Thanks, Liz!   

"The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation" by Melissa Rivers

   OMJ, I just finished The Book of Joan by Melissa Rivers and it is this Joan Ranger's dream come true! "What the heck is a Joan Ranger?" you may be asking. According to urbandictionary.com, a Joan Ranger is "fans and followers of Joan Rivers while she is hosting Fashion Police on the E! Network." As an actual Joan Ranger, I would take the definition way beyond fans and followers, I would go all the way to devotees, fanatics, even junkies. It is hard for me to believe, even harder to admit, that until a couple of years ago I didn't know what a Joan Ranger was, didn't even really care for Joan Rivers. I thought she was obnoxious. That all changed the first time I watched Fashion Police -- I WAS HOOKED, just like a coke addict after snorting their first line! Joan was hilarious, cracking me up and often slaying her cohosts "G" (Giuliana Rancic), Kel-Kel (Kelly Osbourne), and Georgie-Porgie (George Kotsiopoulos) with her raucous quips to the point that sometimes they couldn't even speak when it was their turn to comment. They were in shock and guffaw, while I was in fashion and funny heaven, literally dragging my ass through the work week just to get to my Friday night Fashion Police fix. Ask my boyfriend, when Fashion Police was on, he no longer existed.
   Since Ms. Joan passed in September 2014, I have been subsisting on the Fashion Police: Remembering Joan Rivers 90-minute special (unfortunately the only FP I saved on the DVR, which has been viewed and savored many times!), watching Giuliana and Kelly host red carpet events, and the short-lived revival of Fashion Police with Kathy Griffin at the helm. Believe me, the lack of Joan in my life has been depressing, like hearing about Lindsay Lohan in the news but without Joan's follow-up ba-rum-bum rehab or vagina jokes: what could have been funny was just sad. BUT, my life just got a lot better with The Book of Joan! Melissa Rivers is hilarious, too, with a caustic wit a lot like her mother's but with a sliver of sweetness to it, plus her own daughter-of-a-diva view of the world. Reading the book, which I did in two and a half days (and one of those days I had to work!), was like getting a behind-the-scenes pass to hang out with Joan and Melissa in real life. And what a cray-cray life they had together! There are way too many uproarious scenes to recount here, but one in particular -- "The Purse" chapter, page 155 -- about bacon bits and fake blood had me laughing so hard I was crying right in the middle of getting a pedicure and the Asian nail technician started fanning me because she must have thought I was being overcome by shellac remover fumes! 
   If you are a Fashion Police lover, a fashionista, a Joan Rivers' fan, or just someone who likes to laugh, read the book. You'll love it, it's a gem! Melissa Rivers is not only funny but an excellent writer as well. And it gets even better: she will be co-hosting Fashion Police when it returns in August. Melissa was the producer before and often sat in as guest co-host when one of the regulars was away, so I always thought she would be the perfect person to resurrect the show. Now after reading her book, I know it's meant to be. She is truly funny in her own right and the only one capable of filling Joan's chair.
   Melissa Rivers, this Joan Ranger salutes you and can't wait to hear your first pick for fash-hole of the week! 

"The Woman I Wanted To Be" by Diane von Furstenberg

   If you ever wondered why most of my book reviews are of memoirs or biographies, The Woman I Wanted To Be is why. Despite reading being one of my fave things to do, time to just sit and have a leisurely read-fest is limited. In order to get the biggest bang for my buck -- to be entertained as well as to learn something new -- I gravitate to reading what is REAL. Plus I guess I'm a bit of a voyeur and enjoy peeping inside another person's life without being considered a stalker. Believe me, a book doesn't get any more real, more entertaining, more full of wisdom out the wazoo, and more behind-closed-doors titillating than The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane von Furstenberg!
   I have admired DVF since her explosion into the Seventies fashion scene with the wrap dress. She and her clingy, jersey dresses were the epitome of Studio 54 sexy chic! I envied her wild flaming red hair, her sensual confidence, her European sophistication and style, and her real-life princess turned fashion designer fairytale-like journey. Now, after reading her book, I know she is a woman just like me -- often unsure; sometimes taking wrong turns; struggling with aging and feeling good about yourself in a youth-obsessed world; and striving to live your life as true and full as possible so in the end there are no regrets -- and I admire her even more. Through it all, the many highs and lows and reincarnations of herself and her brand, DVF has focused on "the woman she wants to be" and kept marching forward to make that happen. Thank you, Diane, for showing me the way as well!
   In order not to quote the whole damn book (it's that good, but I want you to read it for yourself!), I'll share just a few of the passages that I will carry with me as I march forward:      

On facing challenges: "When I have an obstacle in front of me, especially of someone else's making, I say 'OK. I don't like it, but I can't change it, so let's find a way around it.' Then I find a different path to a solution, which so satisfies me that I forget what the problem was in the first place. Of all the lessons my mother drummed into me, that was perhaps the most important. How could you possibly better yourself if you didn't face your challenges up front or if you laid your problems off on someone or something else and didn't learn from them?"

Beauty is: "Character. Intelligence. Strength. Style. That makes beauty. All these attributes form beauty, and personality, that elusive state of being that is not necessarily perfect."

The truth about aging: "Aging is out of your control. How you handle it, though, is in your hands."

"And never, ever lie about your age. Who can lie with the Internet anyway? To embrace your age is to embrace your life. Lying about your age, or about anything for that matter, is the beginning of trouble; it is the beginning of lying about who you are. What is important is to live fully every single day of every period of every age so that no time gets wasted."

"The best thing about aging, I have come to understand, is that you have a past. No one can take that away, so you'd better like it. That is why it is so important to waste no time. By living fully every day, you create your life and that becomes your past, a rich past."

"In my older face, I see my life. Every wrinkle, every smile line, every age spot. My life is written on my face. There is a saying that with age, you look outside what you are inside. If you are someone who never smiles your face gets saggy. If you're a person who smiles a lot, you will have more smile lines. Your wrinkles reflect the roads you've taken; they form the map of your life. My face reflects the wind and sun and rain and dust from the trips I've taken. My curiosity and love of life have filled me with colors and experiences and I wear them all with gratitude and pride. My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?"

Becoming the woman you want to be: "You cannot have a good relationship with anyone, unless you first have it with yourself. Once you have that, any other relationship is a plus, and not a must. Become your best friend; it is well worth it. It takes a lot of work and it can be painful because it requires honesty and discipline. It means you have to accept who you are, see all your faults and weaknesses. Having done that, you can correct, improve, and little by little discover the things you do like about yourself and start to design your life. There is no love unless there is truth and there is nothing truer than discovering and accepting who you really are. By being critical, you will find things you dislike as well as things you like, and the whole package is who you are. The whole package is what you must embrace and the whole package is what you have control of. It is you! Everything you think, do, like, becomes the person you are and the whole thing weaves into a life, your life."

"I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become."

   Beyond all the life lessons Diane imparts, this memoir is packed full of celebrity tidbits, behind-the-scenes glimpses of the fashion industry, tales of her travels around the globe, a fabulous photo gallery, and juicy details of the many loves of a woman who likes to fall in love. Loved it, loved it all!  
   What a fascinating and inspiring woman DVF was, is, and will continue to become!  

"How To Be Parisian Wherever You Are: Love, Style, and Bad Habits"

   PARIS -- never been, must go! J'adore Paris ever since Carrie Bradshaw was "An American Girl in Paris" in the final two episodes of Sex and the City. Beyond seeing all the fabulous sights and wining and dining in charming bistros, I want that laid-back yet über sexy Parisienne flair to be my flair. How lucky for me that How To Be Parisian Wherever You Are: Love, Style, and Bad Habits is fresh off the press! Written by four long-time friends -- Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan, Caroline de Maigret, and Sophie Mas (even their names sound sophisticated!) -- as if they were sharing secrets with you over cocktails, this book has given me the tools to let my "inner Parisienne" out until I actually make it to France.

   Just a few How To Be Parisian gems:

* "Don't be afraid of aging. As the saying goes, don't be afraid of anything but fear itself."

* "Make it look easy. Everything you do should seem effortless and graceful." (I've used this one a ton lately -- working in a hair salon during the holidays is STRESSFUL!)

* perfecting the Parisienne pout

* "Taking yourself too seriously" is a major faux pas. (Another tip I've been using every day!)

* Start every party with champagne to kick up the festivity but add a few ice cubes to stay hydrated and nix the next-day hangover.

* When dressing sexy, less is more. "The Parisienne never gives too much away. When it comes to revealing herself, she follows one golden rule: less is definitely more."

* The art of being naked means "in short, you're not a slave to the cult of the perfect body -- so learn to make the best of what nature gave you."

* how-tos on hair, skin, and plastic surgery for that "au naturel" look

* forget perfection (a very American bad habit), play up your imperfections instead

   I could go on and on, but I want to leave you something to read for yourself because this book is a HOOT! Beyond the life lessons, you'll love the quirky "Scenes From Parisian Life" and candid photos that feel like you've stumbled onto your bestie's diary and sneaked a peek. If you are looking for a fun, quick read that will transport you to Paris -- and to being Parisienne -- from your favorite arm chair, you've found it!

"I'll Drink to That: A life in style, with a twist" by Betty Halbreich (with Rebecca Paley)

   Can retail therapy really save your life? For Betty Halbreich it did. She went from falling apart after the break-up of her marriage, followed by an extended stay in a psych ward, to falling into the perfect life-saving career as a personal shopper for customers of Bergdorf Goodman, the crème de la crème of New York City department stores. And Halbreich is still doing it forty years later, dressing clients and running Bergdorf's Solutions department, at age 86!
   What a fascinating life Miss Betty has lived, which she throws wide open like double closet doors in the new memoir: I'll Drink to That: A life in style, with a twist.  In her distinctively classy but candid style, Halbreich shares her journey from an insular upbringing as an only child in Chicago, fairytale-like with servants and custom-made clothes, to her whirlwind romance and marriage to Sonny Halbreich, a dabbler in real estate and fashion whose real passion, Miss Betty finds out too late, is booze, affairs, and living the high life. To cope with her Park Avenue loneliness and lack of purpose, Halbreich turns to shopping with the ladies-who-lunch. And she was good at it, it came easy for her, and she became the go-to gal for help in "looking put together" within her crowd. When Edna Woolman Chase, the legendary Editor-in-Chief for Vogue, said, "Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess," she could have been speaking directly about Betty Halbreich.

   While at times I felt sad for Miss Betty's struggles with confidence, feeling lost within her own life, and having to deal with Sonny's bad-boy behavior until she finally gave him the boot -- he was quite an ass! -- seeing her life unfold on paper was like watching a masterpiece being painted, with each event and experience, each job and connection, layering on the canvas of her journey to culminate in a very rare phenomenon: finding exactly what you are meant to do, making a good living at it, and actually loving doing it. Going way beyond personal shopping, Miss Betty has become a mentor, confidante, social worker, and lay counselor to her wide variety of clients AND SHE LOVES IT. Maybe not all day -- some of her clients sound so insanely demanding they should be banned from Bergdorf's, but Miss Betty tolerates them with wit and tough love -- but every day. After forty years! I am so jealous! I have been looking for a "calling" like this my entire life. But I've got a while left before I hit 86, so maybe there's hope for me.

   Love this book! And I adore Miss Betty! She tells (and sells) the truth straight up, but makes it palatable with a twist of humor. I gobbled up all the delicious details of Big Apple life through the decades like a pie straight out of the oven, then the whip cream on top was the secret tidbits about the fashion and costume designers she connected with through her Solutions department. And anyone who's read any of my writing can guess that I nearly went out of my mind when Miss Betty wrote about helping Pat Field dress the Sex and the City ladies -- my bestest gal pals for six seasons! -- and her many encounters personal shopping with Joan Rivers! I am a "Joan Ranger" for life and am still mourning the recent loss of my Fashion Police guru.

   Just like Fashion Police and Sex and the City, I never wanted I'll Drink to That to end, but sadly it did. Now I'll just have to read Miss Betty's other book, Secrets of a Fashion Therapist, and hope she writes another very soon. 

   (Kudos to Rebecca Paley for co-writing this memoir! I'll be looking for more of her work as well.)

     

   

"What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding" (a Memoir) by Kristin Newman

   I SO wanted to hate Kristin Newman!

   On my fave show "Fashion Police," there is a segment called "Bitch Stole My Look!," featuring two celebs caught wearing the same outfit, and the hosts dish on who wore it better. In Kristin Newman's case, I'm calling the segment "Bitch Stole My Life!," or at least the life I wish I had. Newman makes her living as a TV comedy writer, most notably for the wildly popular shows "How I Met Your Mother" and "That '70s Show," and makes a buttload of money doing it. I am also a writer -- of two twenty-something-selling books (aka not wildly popular) and three blogs I write for free that barely get noticed -- that scrapes by financially at a day-job in a salon. (If you are one of the few that do actually read my blogs: thank you, thank you, thank you!) With her buttload of money, Newman travels all over the world having fabulous adventures while on hiatus from writing. I, on the other hand, am a self-proclaimed adventurista (I have a blog to prove it!) whose only venture outside the USofA was twenty-some years ago to the Bahamas and whose most recent adventure was to Nashville (not so fabulous). And now it seems Newman is on the verge of being a best-selling author with this memoir and make even more money to fund even more exotic excursions while I sit home and write this free blog. In the battle of "Bitch Stole My Life," Newman wins big time, hence why I wanted to hate her.
   But I couldn't! She is too damn hilarious and fun and self-deprecating and crazy enough to try anything. Instead, I wanted to be her bestie, to be right by her side and "do the thing you're supposed to do in the place you're supposed to do it," her number one rule of adventuring. Except I'd have to draw the line at being by her side during the number one thing she does during her travels: having sex with foreigners. Bestie or not, three is a crowd in the bedroom (and on a boat, in a hammock, and on a kitchen counter -- just a few of the places Newman had international sex-capades).
   Love, love, love this book! Besides being one hell of a hootie read, this memoir is packed with bonus educational tidbits: fun things to see and do from Iceland to Antarctica (or close); how to pick up hot dudes when you don't speak the language; tips for writers on turning painful personal experiences into marketable material; and the basic rules for being a good traveler and travel companion. I do dig getting a two-fer! And Kristin, I have memorized and agree to abide by your road-tripping rules, so the next time you whip out your passport for adventures abroad, give me a call. Then we can write a buddy book or TV series about our time together, and I can get started on the life I wish I had!

http://theotherkristinnewman.com/

        

"Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way To Monogamy" by Ophira Eisenberg

   Screw everyone, something I've said in my head many times, being a rebel at heart, but have never actually done. Guess I am more chicken than rebel when it comes to my genitals and STDs. Not Ophira Eisenberg though. In what started out as an experiment to "get rid of her virginity" as soon as she could, Eisenberg recounts schtupping her way across Canada and New York City in the hilarious book "Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way To Monogamy."
   For you more modest readers, rest assured the title is more graphic than the coital contents inside. This is not porn disguised as a memoir. But it is a raucous romp through Eisenberg's revolving door of roommates, wacky jobs between comedy gigs, home-away-from-home dive bars, and sex-capades as she tries NOT to find "the one." She is a trooper, too, going back for more after her first sexual encounter with a "Top Gun" Goose-lookalike on a bathroom counter she recalls as being "two minutes long and kind of annoying." (I would have gotten rid of my virginity in a flash had a Maverick-lookalike come along for me! When "Top Gun" came out I saw it in the theater at least ten times and left titillated and moist every time!!) Then after her three-chord guitar strumming boyfriend who was hot in bed but had an even hotter temper, Eisenberg meets Michael, the one she thinks might be "the one" even though she doesn't want one. Turns out he is the one who can't accept her tryst with a Brit while she spent a year down under and he waited for her faithfully. Boo-hoo and bye-bye Michael. If you feel like a slut anyway, might as well be the biggest, best slut you can, right?!
   So Eisenberg really ramps up her sex-as-an-escape life post-Michael, having Canadian encounters Mickey (aka Mr. Anal Beads); Gene, with the smallest penis ever (he told her so himself); and Roger, the nice guy she nearly moved in with but fled to NYC instead. In the Big Apple, Eisenberg hopes to find a better quality of men under the tutelage of the clickety-clack gals, so named for the sound their heels made on the pavement. Even with their advice on how to handle New York men that are demanding and fickle and the necessity of being Brazilian waxed -- which for the half-Israeli Eisenberg lasts about 40 minutes -- the sexual pickings Ophira finds are even worse than in Canada. Take, for instance, the on-again off-again coke guy with the on-again off-again girlfriend, er, wife; the Dark Pony bar back with the best pot EVER that nearly got Ophira arrested and killed in her sleep by his psycho bitch waitress girlfriend; and Mr. "Thanks for the blow job but don't expect anything in return." Who wouldn't give up after those guys??
   Not Eisenberg. She keeps sleeping on and eventually meets "Bright Eyes," whom she thinks she might actually like. Only he won't go out with her because a) he can't date a girl that a friend of his already went out with (even though Ophira only went out with his friend by mistake as she thought the dude texting her for a date WAS Bright Eyes), and b) he isn't into actresses. "Um, I'm a comedian, not an actress," she finally convinces him, and he gives in to try a date. After spending most of her time and energy on sex-perimenting, morphing to a long-term relationship doesn't come easy for Eisenberg, but it sure is funny reading about her getting there. As you might have guessed from the title, there is a happy ending, but I'll let you find out for yourself.
   Read "Screw Everyone" while lazing by the pool this summer, and I bet you will meet someone new who stops to ask what you're laughing out loud about!

http://ophiraeisenberg.com/screw-everyone-sleeping-my-way-to-monogamy/

            

"Twisted Sisters" by Jen Lancaster

   Jen Lancaster, you can be my twisted sister anytime! Please?!
   In her third novel, "Twisted Sisters," Jen spins the tale of Dr. Reagan Bishop, a psychologist on television (or a television psychologist, depending on where you are in the story) who helps guests overcome their fears on the cable show "I Need a Push." Despite getting recognized in stores for her somewhat celeb status, Reagan never gets proper recognition or respect from her family for her accomplishments. Somehow Geri, Reagan's younger sister, gets all the family accolades, even though her only claims to fame are styling hair, singing karaoke, and being curvaceous (aka "fat ass," according to Reagan). After "Push" gets taken over by a big network, Reagan herself gets pushed into doing some pretty cray-cray things to make their guests "get well" by the end of each episode in order to boost ratings, plus not fail and therefore lose face even more with her family. What follows is a hilarious romp with body surfing through astral projection (like channel surfing only you switch bodies instead of channels), quirky characters, family feuds, serendipitous realizations, and the underlying theme that the truth as you judge it isn't always true, nor does it always bring happiness.
   Love, love, love this book! If you follow my blog, you know that back in January was the last time I raved about what I was reading, so I've been craving a good book BIG TIME. Thankfully, Jen never disappoints! I have to admit that I love her memoirs -- I've read them all and they are fabulous! --more than her novels, but to me "Twisted Sisters" is the ultimate combo of both genres because Dr. Reagan Bishop is SO Jen in so many ways. It's as if Jen channeled herself into Reagan, and then Reagan channeled herself into . . . I'll stop there, don't want to be a spoiler. What else did I love? I was tickled to see the Deva character resurrected from Jen's second novel "Here I Go Again." When she popped up in the story it was an awesome surprise, like an unexpected visit from an old friend. Deva's fat-fingered texting faux pas nearly made me wet my pants every time! Since I work in a salon, I totally dug the parts about sister Geri and her hair magic. And it is true, getting a new 'do CAN change your life, or at least how you feel about your life. I also adored Reagan's neighbors, Trevor and Bryce! Even though I don't speak gringo-gangsta and didn't know what they were talking about most of the time, I would definitely party with those dudes the next time I get a craving for cupcake-flavored vodka. Plus, they taught me the acronym "yolo": You only live once. (Well, actually they didn't teach me so much as they said it so many times I had to Google it to figure out the meaning, but still, now I know so I can be in the know when someone says yolo. So thanks, Playas!)
   So many things to love about "Twisted Sisters"! Probably the best thing about the book, besides all the laugh-out-loud laughs, is the Bishop family makes my family seem almost normal. Almost. 
   "Twisted Sisters": get it, read it, let me know if you love it too!

Here's a link to Jen Lancaster's website:  http://www.jennsylvania.com/

          

"The All-Girl Filling Station's Last Reunion" by Fannie Flagg

   All hail to Fannie Flagg, the absolute queen of storytelling! She weaves a can't-wait-to-turn-the-page tale like nobody else, spins characters (some new, some old friends from previous stories) you wish lived right next door to you and you start to miss before the book is even finished, and teaches you a little something along the way. Now that is the very best of fiction writing!  
  In her newest novel "The All-Girl Filling Station's Last Reunion," Flagg tells side-by-side stories occurring in different places and times, reminiscent of her bestselling novel "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe." In the beginning we get reacquainted with Mrs. Earle Poole, Jr., aka Sarah Jane "Sookie" Poole, daughter of the formidable Lenore Simmons Krackenberry, of Point Clear, Alabama. The last time I hung out with Sookie was in Flagg's novel "Welcome to the World, Baby Girl," when her kids were still little and her best college friend Dena Nordstrom comes to Alabama to escape the pressures of being a big city newswoman. Now Sookie's kids are all grown up, the last of her and Earle's girls are married off, and she is contemplating relaxing and figuring out what's next for her life. Believe me, never in her wildest imagination, even with the tad bit of crazy that runs through the Simmons' family, did Sookie figure on what happens next.
   While Sookie is fretting and fainting and seeing psychiatrist Dr. Shapiro on the sly (oh my!), we also follow the Jurdabralinksi family's journey all the way from war-torn Poland to Pulaski, Wisconsin, and them scoring a perfect 100 for the cleanest restrooms in the entire Phillips 66 Petroleum chain. Those Jurdabralinskis are a hoot! From fearless Fritzi to war-bound Wink-a-Dink to sweet Sophie, Flagg made me feel like I got to hang out with each and every one of them, got to hear their innermost thoughts, feel their fears and joys. And somehow through vignettes and letters, Flagg meshes the lives of Sookie Poole and the Jurdabralinskis into a charming, heartwarming, and thoroughly entertaining story that also reminds the world of the WASPS -- the Women Air Force Service Pilots -- that risked their lives to ferry planes to military bases during World War II despite being considered "volunteers" and never being eligible for military benefits. I was awed at the amazing courage of these lady fliers, 38 of whom died in service, who stepped up when their country needed them and were cast away with barely a "thanks" of recognition when the war was coming to a close.
   Thanks Fannie, for teaching me about the WASPS, acquainting me with the Jurdabralinskis (I hope I meet them again in another book!), and bringing Sookie back with a bang in a book of her very own. I love, love, love "The All-Girls Filling-Station's Last Reunion!" My only complaint is that it's been soooo long since your last novel, so get started on the next one right away!  

   

Agorafabulous!

   I consider myself pretty crazy. Not so much in the wild 'n crazy gal mode, although I can be that sometimes, but more the hide-the-knives-and-stay-out-of-my-way certifiable kind of crazy because of my occasional black funks of depression. But never once have I peed in cereal bowls and stashed them under my bed "until the acrid stench will peel the skin off the insides of your nostrils" to avoid the bad vibe of the bathroom. Nor have I given up eating in order to "eliminate excess energy in the body" so I can sleep 24/7 and avoid having to leave home. That is crazy! And that is just one hilarious episode from "Agorafabulous! :dispatches from my bedroom" by Sara Benincasa. Thanks, Sara, for making me feel almost normal for a change.
    In her roller-coaster ride of a memoir, Sara takes us from her nightmare agita-filled (in Italian, agita means "you're really nervous, your stomach hurts, or you've got the shits," or all three in her case) high school trip to Sicily; through her bowl-peeing sleep-until-you-stink college days; to working for Edgar, a power hungry hippie throwback even crazier than her, at the Blessed Sanctuary retreat; with a brief stop in Texas as a ninth-grade writing teacher "handling" Billy's boner; all the way to becoming a stand-up comedian. With all that material straight from her own life, I'd say she found the perfect career, wouldn't you?
   "Agorafabulous!" is a hootie read! While mental illness is nothing to laugh about, Sara spins her own struggles with agoraphobia, depression, and "unruly hair" into charmingly witty vignettes that will make you chuckle and possibly even feel a wee bit less crazy yourself. One of the jacket blurbs reads, "If I ever get thrown in a mental institution, my only hope would be having Sara as a cellmate." That goes for me too. If (or when?) my black funks take over my life completely, expect a collect call from me, Sara, to come be my roomie and bring a heaping helping of fabulous into my funk!

  

"I STILL HAVE IT . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething" by Rita Rudner

   Rita Rudner, you deceived me! I have been on a kick lately of reading books about navigating the turbulent waters of hitting mid-life since I'm not doing it so well on my own. I thought this was one of those books from reading the flap blurb. This is SO not one of those books. But I ain't mad, I got nothing but love for you (a fave quote from "Independence Day" I just had to throw in here, in case there are any other "ID" fans out there), because I needed this book way more than more how-to-turn-50 tips. YOU MADE ME LAUGH! Out loud even, and that's rare for me. So thanks for deceiving me! And I could read the short chapters, each a stand-alone comedy routine, on my breaks and actually return to work with a smile! I'm sure my co-workers would say "thanks" as well if they were writing this with me.
   What parts made me laugh the hardest? That's tough to pin down because the whole book is hilarious, but here are a few for starters. I loved "Dining in the Dark," where Rita and husband Martin try to break out of their take-out habit by exploring one of "The Top Ten Hottest Places to Eat in L.A," according to Martin's magazine. Unfortunately, the article didn't mention they didn't actually get to "eat" at these places! All of the vignettes about house-hunting and moving and remodeling are hysterical -- of course, not to Rita and Martin, but then it did give her lots of writing material. Reading about Rita's quirky, crazy father gave me lots of laughs, and as a bonus made me feel that my own quirky, crazy father isn't quite so bad. "To Hell in a Handbag" is a hoot, especially since I've wrestled with my own "LV" envy over the years. And the Bonkers chapter stole the show, as he did Rita's show, as well as stole my heart! Put it this way, there is no un-funny story in the entire book!
   Plus the quotes made me laugh and tack up a few on my bulletin board! I'll only share my faves (because this is a book review, not an entire book!):

I can never ask for money back after I've loaned it to a friend and they forget to return it. The most I can do, when I'm over their house, is break something of that approximate value.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

My husband won't let me sunbathe topless. He says he's afraid I might poke someone's knee out.

I don't want to be in good shape anymore. I don't want to be one of those women who look great from the back and then turn around and frighten people.

   See what I mean?! The quotes are fabulous! Even the last chapter, where Rita shares other book titles she considered -- "Artificially Hip," "That Botox Has Sailed," "Aged to Imperfection," "I'm Still Hot (It Just Comes in Flashes)" -- made me crack up so much I wanted to start the book all over again.
   If you're like me and can't afford a face-lift to make you feel better, get Rita's book and get a laugh-lift instead -- it's cheaper and totally pain-free!!

"The TAO of MARTHA" by Jen Lancaster

   Jen Lancaster and "The TAO of MARTHA (My Year of LIVING, or Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog)," oh how I love thee, let me count the ways:

• I love you for the dust jacket cover, with the sideways cake and homage to Martha in the starfish-puffball-explosion of a frame, and the oh-so-domestic blue gingham fancy end papers.
• J'adore you for enlightening me on the finer points of how to hog-wrestle a comforter into the dutch oven of a duvet, making me laugh so hard I nearly shart myself, and for bringing "shart" into my lexicon to replace the much cruder terms I normally use.
• Me likey you for sharing the contents of your Drawer of Shame and Cabinet of Shame and making me feel much less ashamed of my junk drawers/cabinets. (I noticed you didn't diss Carrie Bradshaw once in this book, so I felt safe in using the "me likey" Carrie-ism.)
• I totally dig that you found your X-factor in going all Team Disaster Prepper. BTW, I will totally eschew my vegetarian ways and find you in the Chicago 'burbs to feast on sardines and human-grade dog food stew when the zombie apocalypse comes, so set an extra place!
• I am enamored by your willingness to bare all when it comes to your failings, even the gozillion-dollar "easy" toffee incident, and find a way to laugh about it (even if it means your friends may end up with tire-fire toffee before they get it right).
• I applaud you for facing your loathe of Halloween (which I totally share, except for the free pass to eat candy like there's no tomorrow!) and turning it into a glitterfied Pumpkin Palooza and drunkety-drunk-drunk fest. (Sorry, I couldn't help but throw in one more Carrie-ism!) You've given me a whole new outlook on Halloween!
• I ♥ you for sharing your scrapbook pix to give me a visual of your escapades and so I can better get to know you, Fletch, Maisy, Loki, Libby, Hambone, the Thundercats, and the New Girls (hope I didn't leave anyone out). (Plus, now I know what your house looks like so I can find you when the big one hits! And may I add, Fletch is hubba hubba!!) 
• Most of all, I love you for sharing the other Miss M's Tao, which I won't mention here and be a spoiler but I have already written on a Post-it and is hanging from my bulletin board as a daily reminder. IT ROCKS!!

   Jen, I will admit, I've never been a big Martha Stewart fan. In fact, hearing her "It's a good thing" mantra was like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. But you've made me appreciate the finer points of her way of LIVING, and I will never regard Martha with disrespect again. I promise! I just have one request in return -- please don't let your next memoir be "The Opus of Oprah." I literally live for your next memoir to be published, BUT I DON'T DO OPRAH. Thanks!
   
   Have I got you intrigued about "The TAO of MARTHA"? Good! Get your copy today and get your laugh on!!

   

"Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood" by Suzanne Braun Levine

   Have you ever been in the check-out line at Wal-Mart and overheard women discussing the exact same thing you have been going through or thinking about? And in that moment, even though you didn't join the conversation, you felt a tad bit better just knowing that you weren't alone in your experience or bat-crap crazy for your thoughts? This is what I've been feeling while reading "Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood" by Suzanne Braun Levine: that I'm not flying solo in feeling seriously screwed up from all this aging business.
   I am 51. Yes, I'm finally ready to admit it but with my own twist: I am calling myself an AGELESS 51. This puts me smack dab in what Ms. Levine calls the Fertile Void, "where we begin the process of sorting things out -- and shaking things up. We shed the voices of shoulda-woulda-coulda thinking and begin to sense the presence of an internal compass, our own voice." Well, my own voice is saying, or more like screaming: Fertile Void, Smyrtle Void, this feels like the Amped-up Abyss to me. Nothing in my life feels right anymore. I'm frustrated. I've got all this mojo building up to barrel over the precipice of where I am and don't want to be and to change things, but it would mean jumping into the abyss because I haven't got the first clue what to do to make my life feel more right. Ms. Levine says, "No wonder the journey begins in a torrent of confusion. Many women find themselves at the edge of a cliff before they even realize something is happening. And looking down, they can't imagine what ropes and pulleys will guide their descent. They are propelled only by a funny feeling . . . a mixture of dissatisfaction and fear -- and a panicky sense that is it time to do something." You got that right, Sister! I want to do something, anything but, as she and others who've written about the Fertile Void validate, I feel stuck. And feeling stuck SUCKS! So what to do to unsuck my situation? Ms. Levine says, "The solution, ironically, is not more movement, but less. The cure for 'stuck' is 'still.' A gathering in of the energy unleashed by Saying No and Letting Go (two of the key aspects she describes as common in Second Adulthood -- being able to finally say "no" and let go of whatever no longer serves your best life). That is what the Fertile Void can offer, an opportunity to exchange the wish to control life for a willingness to engage living." I am all about engaging living, having recently dubbed myself an "Adventurista," so I'm working on staying still until the big reveal of what the hell I'm meant to do next comes along. It ain't easy.
   Saying "no" has gotten easier for me over the years after I decided I was tired of being everyone's beck-and-call girl, especially when it came to family affairs that always seemed to involve rescuing relatives from crises of their own making and loaning money (more like donating as there was rarely ever any payback). But the "letting go" is a struggle, always has been. I am no good at accepting things I can't change -- like jonesing for the Tin Man's oil can to lubricate my creaky joints before I roll out of bed in the morning -- and releasing my expectations of how I want to look -- as good as Cher and Barbra, okay, I'll be more realistic and settle for Paula Abdul who is also 51. I am working on it, though, as Ms. Levine says the letting go is a necessary coping mechanism for surviving the transition to Second Adulthood. My first step was accepting that I could mess myself up BAD riding my skateboard Pinkie and releasing her to the care of my teenage niece who wants to ride. I miss seeing Pinkie standing up in the corner of the pantry, that hot pink confirmation that I am still a wild and crazy gal, but admittedly, that's all she's done for the past year anyway, so it was time for her to fly with someone a bit more spry.
   What else did I learn from this book? I learned that there's a bona fide reason for my crankiness, or my Ouiser-ness as my bestie Sara calls it from Shirley MacLaine's character Ouiser in "Steel Magnolias" who says, "I'm not crazy . . . I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years!" I have entered the Fuck You Fifties, as Ms. Levine calls the decade, a time of "speaking up, speaking out, speaking one's mind" and a spirit of rebellion that rivals our teenage years. I sure fit that mold to a tee; in fact, I should be the poster chick for the Fuck You Fifties! My sweetie DMan, the poor thing, sure gets an earful of me speaking my mind about anything and everything, including our relationship. As Ms. Levine explains, the Fuck You Fifties brings on a reexamining and redefining of our intimate relationships as women feel the need for more authority, independence and space in their lives. Therefore my age is to blame, not me, if we end up with a white line down the middle of our house separating my space from his. The way I've been acting, he may prefer it anyway so he'll have a safe-zone man cave where he can retreat when my Fuck You Fifties really get fired up.
   There is a ton of good stuff in this book to help women navigate the journey into Second Adulthood. Reading many of the personal stories felt just like that eavesdropping Wal-Mart experience, giving me real-life examples of how to handle the twists, turns and roadblocks ahead and also making me feel blessed in some cases that my situation isn't worse. As always, I'm a sucker for quotes, and Ms. Levine collected some dandies! Here are my two favorites:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is or how valuable or how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."
                                                 -- Martha Graham

"At this time in our history, we should take nothing personally. Least of all ourselves. Try to do whatever you do as an act of celebration. WE ARE THE ONES WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR."
                                                 -- Hopi Nation, "Wisdom of the Elders"

   "Inventing the Rest of Our Lives" is not a quick read, nor an easy one. There will be lots of time spent with the book lying on your chest while your mind ponders all the aspects of aging Ms. Levine touches on; there will be times of skimming through pieces that don't apply to your life. But the book is definitely worth the time to help you figure out what matters, what works, and what's next for the second half of your life. Enjoy!  

"Here I Go Again" (a novel) by Jen Lancaster

   I love, Love, LOVE Jen Lancaster! If I didn't already have the most fabulous bestie in the world (my Sparkle Sara, who turned me on to Jen's books in the first place), I would definitely be calling, emailing, Facebooking and otherwise cyber-stalking (except texting, I don't text, or tweet for that matter, I'm way too wordy for both of those) Jen to see if she had a bestie opening. I should be a shoo-in too because I've read all her memoirs -- "Bitter Is the New Black," Bright Lights, Big Ass," "Such a Pretty Fat," "Pretty in Plaid," "My Fair Lazy," and "Jeneration X" -- and love, love, loved them all! (Sorry to be so mushy gushy but trust me, one "love" just wouldn't be enough!) I even read her first go at a novel, "If You Were Here," and really liked it. (See, I can temper the love thang when it's called for.) Her Facebook page is one of my very few "likes" -- I will not be a slut with my "likes" just to get free stuff -- and I regularly check in with her jennsylvania.com website to see what craziness is going on with her, husband Fletch, and the ever-growing menagerie of dogs and cats that roam her home.
   And now here I go again, love, love, loving her newest novel "Here I Go Again" -- totes! (A word from the book that I finally figured out means "totally" and then proceeded to use liberally. Another thing I love about her books, plenty of free Jen-isms to spice up my vernacular!) If you are looking for a hootie summer read that is the perfect cocktail of wit, sass, and snarky, this is IT.
   Think back to high school and that one popular bitch-chick that you sort of hated because she had it all -- maybe a hot pink Beemer convertible, the head cheerleader spot and Prom Queen crown, fabulous hair and clothes that every other girl imitates, wanna-be boyfriends out the ying-yang, and a posse of devotees that hang on every malicious word and put-down she says -- and yet you sort of wanted to be her. This is Lissy Ryder, the star of Lyons Township High School Class of 1992 and this novel. Believe it or not, her life got even better after high school: a high-paying PR job, a great husband and condo, swanky clothes and club memberships. Then she lost it ALL. Facing her twenty-year high school reunion while living back with her parents, she figures she can get her life back on track by finagling new PR work from former classmates that have gone on to successful careers. She figured wrong. At the reunion, everyone hates Lissy and reminds her how she made their lives miserable. Even her bestie abandons her. All she's left with is a hippy-dippy former classmate offering hope in the form of a new-age elixor that will give her a sense of clarity, purpose, and inner peace. When Lissy isn't convinced the magic potion will cure the bitch of a sitch (another Jen-ism I'm stealing) she is in, her friend assures her it will also fix her hangover and complexion.  Of course then Lissy is onboard and down the hatch it goes.
   So begins Lissy's karmic adventure to fix her past in order to fix her present, while trying to fix her parents and friends along the way. While trying not to be a spoiler, I will mention there is some time travel involved in case you have issues with that sort of thing. I normally would. In this context, though, the method seems perfectly plausible; there's no McFly DeLorean in sight. And the hilarious romp that ensues from the time travel is totes worth suspending a bit of disbelief. Besides some of my fave fun parts -- Lissy's Southern Mamma (I can hear my Southern kin in everything she says!); the nostalgia of all the song lyrics and TV show references (however I do take offense at Jen's mention that "Mayim Bialik does not grow up to be cute. Like, at all." I adore Mayim as Amy Farrah Fowler on "Big Bang Theory," so please, do not diss the AFF!); the crazy auto-correct texting faux pas of Debbie turned Deva; and the didn't-see-that-coming ending -- "Here I Go Again" also has deeper undertones of what it means to be a friend, figuring out what you truly want versus what you "should" want, and the value of appreciating what you have before it's gone.
   From the daisy book liner that mimics Lissy's teenage bedroom wallpaper to the last lines -- "Whoa. Karma really is a bitch." -- this novel is a surprise-tinkle-from-laughing-too-hard page-turner that's better than a cold glass of Chardonnay on a hot summer night! Now if only my copy of her next book -- "The TAO of MARTHA (My Year of Living or Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog)" -- would come, I could keep right on laughing. Surprise tinkles be damned!